Friday, April 24, 2009


Dora Overload

My wife and I are now on Dora overload. So that you can feel our pain (and the pain of everyone with a daughter of a certain age), here is a guide to Dora the Explorer:

The Premise: Dora and friends have to go somewhere, whilst overcoming obstacles and learning Spanish. It scores so many good show points that you feel so guilty for hating it so much ... and yet I dare anyone over the age of 10 to watch it without wanting to pull their hair out.

The Characters:

Dora: The melon-headed Keane kids' hispanic cousin. A positive role model for young girls. So of course, they had to tart her up. The pathetic thing: it could have been worse.

Boots: Dora's best friend -- a cute monkey who wears cute fuschia boots. He also has the range of affect and personality of a Labrador Retriever.

Swiper the Fox: A kleptomanical fox who can be repelled merely by repeating (5000x), "Swiper, no Swiping". Perhaps our national security might work this way -- repeating "Al Qaeda no bombing" 5000x is probably just as effective as anything Pres. GWB ever did. I think Pres. Obama might be seeking to implement this approach in dealing with corporate malfeasance.

The Backpack: the most realistic character on Dora the Explorer -- just like a real backpack, it eats all of your stuff, says "yum, yum, delicioso" and then you can't find anything again (until your in an airport security line with your backpack and the screeners manage to find that trial size shampoo you've been looking for -- who says TSA is useless?).

The Map: what with the advent of Google Earth, GPS and all, this paper map is starting to feel like a useless old relic who doesn't have the prowess he once had. So whenever his services are needed, he makes a big deal about being "The Map" (think Shelley Levene in Glengarry Glen Ross ... which office set-up -- with the "leads" and all -- the play depicts, to me seems a stupid way of running a sales office, but from what "Timmy" has told me of his experiences in sales, I'll believe that's how things work in these environments). He always manages to lead Dora and crew through some obstacle, though. Frankly, he's so desperate that I betcha somebody (Swiper maybe) is gonna pay him off to lead Dora into a trap, from whence Dora's Mami and Papi will have to pay a lot of money to get her back (the risk being that maybe they're sending her out on these "explorations" in the first place to try and get rid of her, so they won't pay much to get her back anyway). I just don't trust that map -- as I said -- always leading Dora and crew into obstacles ... again, The Map reminds me too much of Shelley "The Machine" Levene ...

I know I don't have all the characters ... anybody else have additions to this post?

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